Monday, March 5, 2012

Embarrassing!

I restarted HMR 4 days ago.  I came here to post about it, and it was just too embarrassing seeing all of my dieting starts and stops, my losses and gains.  Seriously, what is wrong with me???

Anyway, people at work have been doing fad diets since the beginning of the year and they've lost their 8-25 lbs and are looking great.  While I, on the other hand, quickly abandoned my healthy eating intentions and gained 10 lbs instead. 

To my credit, I have started exercising regularly.  I walk 2 miles at lunch 4 days/week.  It got me pretty winded at first, but now I'm doing better and decided to add something more intense in the mornings too.  I've done the Couch to 5K training a few days, and I've ridden my spin bike a few times too.

Just exercise wasn't enough though, so now I'm adding the HMR because I'd like to see some quick results and I've got enough food here to last me 6 weeks.

After 4 days I'm still getting headaches off and on, and going to bed earlier than normal, but otherwise feeling pretty good about this.  My start weight was (*hides*) 294.  Ugh.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Back in the Saddle Again

I quit my food addiction support program when I couldn't agree with my sponsor about my food addiction. After hearing so many stories by women with true compulsive eating disorders, mine seemed to pale in comparison.  I've given it a lot of thought, and now I believe I have an addiction:  an addiction to the convenience of fast foods and junk foods.

Although I've had a few bad binges in my life, and I've hidden overeating for a week or two, it isn't something on-going and horrendous.  I think my food addiction is more about enjoying how easy it is to stop at McDonalds and pick up breakfast and eat it in the car.  Or to pop a bag of popcorn for dinner.  Sustained healthy eating is just not convenient.  It takes time to shop for, prepare and eat.  It takes at least twice as long to eat a dinner sized salad as a cheeseburger.

Anyway, I've been putting weight back on and it's time to turn things around.  I'll weigh in tomorrow, but last week the scale said 285.5.  That's up 25 lbs from my low in October which is too terrible for words and almost brought tears to my eyes.  So I'll weigh and measure tomorrow and then put the scale away until February.

I liked the food plan I was following this fall, and I'm going to follow a modified version of it.  I'm not going to stress out about having quite so many vegetables.  If my asparagus weighs 10 oz instead of 12 oz that's fine.  And I'm not going to cut out all flour/sugar.  Right now I'm allowing 1 oz of bread as a starch, and I'm allowing a small treat/day.  I'm still saying no snacks, but I may reconsider a small snack when I get home from work to help me get through preparing dinner.

I'm not going to any meetings or getting myself a sponsor.  I feel like I can do this.  I don't expect to see results quite as quickly, but I'm hoping it's more sustainable in the long-term.  If I want outside support I know where to get it.

Breakfast:  corn tortilla with a fried egg and slice of havarti, along with 2 clementines
Lunch: Green salad with chicken and cheese and drizzle of ranch dressing and an apple
Dinner:  Southwest salad with ground beef, cheese, ranch, salsa, corn, olives and a corn tortilla
Treat:  3 Hershey kisses

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Health and Other Updates

Last spring I had some blood tests come back with poor results.  I recently had the tests done again, and my results are back in the normal range!
  • HDL Cholesterol = WAS 46, didn't re-do this test
  • Hemoglobin A1c = WAS 6.2, now it's 5.6 which is normal
  • Hemoglobin = WAS 10.6, now it's 12.0 which is normal
Also to follow-up on some other things:
  • I almost never have heartburn, just occasionally when I go too long between meals.
  • Plantar fasciitis is greatly improved!  Thank goodness I figured out what was causing that.
  • I was a size 26 and now I'm between a 20 and a 22.
  • Never have problems with swollen feet or ankles.
  • Not as tired, especially since I'm not anemic any more.
  • I'm not hungry very often, just before meals.
  • I don't have many cravings, but I do still have to be careful in trigger situations.
I'm eating a very balanced and healthy diet right now - primarily fruit and vegetables, as well as protein, whole-grain starches, and a little bit of fat.  My meals are about 400 calories each, and my daily caloric intake is usually between 1200-1400 calories.

I miss convenient foods, especially sandwiches and pizza, and sometimes I miss treats.  Not in a craving way, I don't obsess about them.  Sometimes it would be nice to eat something I didn't have to prepare though.  And although a lot of people in the program stay in it for years and years, it's not an easy fit for my life right now, and eventually I'd like to graduate to something slightly more doable for a mom with young kids and a full-time job.

For now I'll keep taking it one day at a time with the food, and just try to stay off the scale.  :)

Sunday, October 2, 2011

41 Days Abstinent

After my mid-month weigh-ins I was hoping for a 12 lb weight loss for September.  My minimum goal is 10 lbs/month, and I thought I'd probably lost 12, and I was secretly, secretly hoping for 15.

Instead...

Seventeen pounds!

I re-weighed 30 minutes later and showed only 15 lbs lost, and then (stupidly) weighed again today and then had only lost 13 lbs.  I think someone's just trying to show me that I need to stay away from the scale except for my once/month weigh-in.

This puts me at 31 lbs lost since I joined Over-Eaters Anonymous 41 days ago, and 50 lbs lost in 2011.  I still haven't had anyone remark on my weight loss, and I was expecting that.  I've been through that before and last time I let it get me down.  This time I realize that even though I'm seeing some significant changes, most people still just see an obese person and can't distinguish a 30 lb change.

I understand it even better when I look at these photos.  I can barely see any difference in the photos, and realize there's no reason anyone else will do any better.



I'm feeling good about my progress so far and will keep hoping each day will be another abstinent day.

Monday, September 26, 2011

35 Days Abstinent

I get to weigh in on Saturday and I'm so excited.  I cheated and peeked at the scale during my birthday week.  What a mistake.  I hadn't lost as much as I thought I should have, and then I started obsessing about my scale weight.  I weighed in for 5 days in a row, and for the first 4 days I got progressively heavier.  Finally I lost a little and I put the scale back away.  I've learned my lesson and I will wait for my once/month weigh-in.

I should also mention a little more about my food plan:  I eat no flour of any kind, no sugar or sweeteners of any kind, and no caffeine.  In these 3 things I've been perfect.  *Amazing*  I'm scared to try to do my usual justifications, because once I start with these foods I don't think I could stop.

I also eat 3 meals/day and no snacks.  One day I was too tired to make/eat dinner, and sometimes my meal gets interrupted which kind of feels like I had a snack.  But I'm almost perfect on this.

I weigh and measure every thing I eat.  Until this last week I was doing perfect on this.  But I've had a couple of unweighed bites of things as I was measuring them out.  I know this is sabotaging myself and making it harder, so I won't be doing that this week.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

10 Days Abstinent: One Day at a Time

Today is the first of the month so it was a weigh-in day.  In 10 days I am down 15 lbs!  I'm back to 277, which is almost my lowest HMR weight.

There is so much I could share about this program and why it's working for me.  For now I'll just say that I'm doing it one day at a time.  And if one day is too hard, I work on one meal at a time.  Today my daughter put a treat on my desk and walked away.  I got through that one minute at a time.  :)

Maybe tomorrow I will change my mind and eat something I shouldn't.  But today my goal is to get through the day honest and abstinent.

Monday, August 29, 2011

"Hi, My Name is Rainy and I'm a Food Addict."

In my last post I said I was going to do HMR on my own.  That lasted a little over a week, and then I started eating like there was no tomorrow.  My highest weight in January was 310 lbs.  With all the dieting this spring and summer the lowest I got was 277 lbs.  After quitting HMR I jumped back up to 284ish, leveled out, and then started eating out of control.  Within a week I gained 8 lbs, eating everything in sight:  donuts, pizza, big meals, breads, sandwiches, fast food, and movie popcorn/candy.  I knew I was out of control but I couldn't stop myself.  I can't even put into words what I was thinking and feeling.  It was like panic.

I was short-tempered with my kids.  I'd give them a couple of chips and then eat the rest of the bag after they went to bed.  Or I'd buy cookie dough, saying I would make cookies with them, and then eat it when they weren't watching.  I'd eat giant lunches and then come back to the office sick to my stomach from being so full.  In fact, I don't think I ever let myself even get hungry.

But in all this I was careful not to appear to others like I was eating this much.  I'd eat after my kids went to bed and my husband was working late.  Or fast food in the car, and get rid of the bag before I got home.  I was disgusting myself but it didn't stop me.

Then I found out that a friend of mine was moving - it was the friend I mentioned earlier this summer that was losing weight with Overeater's Anonymous.  I knew I would never go to a meeting if I had to go by myself, so I drove to the meeting I knew she usually went to.  I was 25 minutes late though, and I drove around the parking lot and decided to just leave.

What happened next I believe was divine intervention - my friend rode her bike into the parking lot, 25 minutes late.  I feel like God placed her in my way to get me into that meeting and save my life.

We went in to the meeting together and I was intrigued by the stories I was hearing.  These were people that were affected by food the same way I am, but they had overcome their food addictions and were experiencing peace in their lives.  I didn't think I could follow the plan, but I was interested.  My friend invited me to come with her to another meeting the next night where she was going to share her story.  After that meeting I spoke with a number of other members and as they shared I realized that I didn't have to worry about following the plan for the rest of my life.

All I had to do was take care of one day at a time.

I don't want to make this post too long, but the short of it is that I started the program the next day.  It's been 7 days and I've been following my food plan perfectly.  If you've read my previous posts you know that this is a miracle.  I always cheat a little and make exceptions.  Not with this.  I am trying to put my faith in a higher power.  He can take this food compulsion from me.

This isn't a diet, it is a healing.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Post-HMR Week 1

This is just a quick post to say that I lost 3 lbs this week and went to another spinning class.  Also figured out the main source of my foot pain.  Hopefully now that I can make changes that will no longer aggravate my plantar fasciitis, I'll start getting some much needed relief from the constant pain.  Can you believe it was/is my recliner?  I thought putting my feet up would be good for them, but quite the opposite.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

HMR Official Final Results

I can't believe it's been so long since I updated here!  I'm not sure if it's good news or bad news, but I weight the same now as I did when I made my last update (bad, because it's not better, but good, because it could be so much worse!)

I had a bunch of setbacks in June and July:  First my sister and niece came to visit, then my eating/dieting friend came to visit for a week, and then I spent a week visiting family on a roadtrip for the 4th of July.

I've recommitted to myself to do 6 more weeks of HMR on my own and then re-evaluate.  Today is day 2 of my restart, and so far so good.  I joined Gold's Gym today because I wanted to try taking a spinning class.  I wasn't sure if I'd like it, but it was great!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

HMR Official Week 7 Results

No change from last week.  Probably kind of lucked out since my Lake Tahoe weekend had a couple of splurges.  I'll just keep plugging away though, I'm not giving up.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

HMR Official Week 6 Results

Today I set a personal best:  Most Weight Lost.  In 2009 I lost 32.5 lbs on Medifast before I stopped, and today I made it to -33 lbs.  What's more, I'm not planning on stopping HMR, at least for the next 6 weeks, and probably not after that either.

That's not the only good news:  -5 lbs this week!
That puts me at a total of -25 lbs lost with HMR.

One of the women in class with me has lost 40 lbs in just the 6 weeks we've been in class.  That is SO amazing to me, and inspiring.  But apparently not inspiring enough to get me to stick to the diet perfectly.  I am proud of myself for sticking with dieting so long this year though.  I am finally below my original pre-Medifast start weight, and I'm re-losing those 32.5 lbs.  I'm not going to beat myself up for losing 25 lbs instead of 40 lbs.  I'd love to be there, but I'm also happy that I'm not where I was at the end of last year.

And just in case you're wondering how I lost so much this week after being so worried last night - it is because of water.  Last week I was sure my math indicated a 2.5 lb loss but only ended up losing 1.  The rest must have been water retention, and this week it evened out.

This weekend I'm going to Lake Tahoe with friends, so I'm definitely going to have to deal with some challenges.  Wish me luck and I'll let you know how it goes.

Dreading Tomorrow

I am officially not looking forward to tomorrow's weigh-in.  I have to lose a certain amount of weight every 4 weeks to stay in the program (didn't realize this until 4 weeks in), and that number is 9 lbs.  Should be easy, right?  I lost 3 and 1 the past 2 weeks, so I need to lose a 2 and a 3 in these next 2 weigh ins.  I think I'm more on-track for a +1.5.  Yikes!

I feel like I've been completely stuck in these past 5 lbs.  My normal size clothes aren't tight any more, but they aren't getting loose.  ... actually, instead of complaining, I will list what is good so far:

  • Fit in my clothes again
  • Plantar fasciitis is marginally improved
  • Acid reflux is never a problem when I stick to the diet  ("in the box.")
  • Socks don't leave any indents on my ankles at all

That's about it.  If I can remember I'll order more blood tests and see if there are any improvements there.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

HMR Official Week 5 Results

Total weight loss this week:  -1


That -1 is so pathetic!  The only thing I have to say about that is that I'm glad I didn't lose any more after the week I had, because if I could eat what I ate and still lose a lot of weight then I know I'd be asking myself what's the point of dieting, and then the floodgates would open and there would be a free-for-all.  :)

I hung out with a friend yesterday that has lost a bunch of weight with the support of Overeater's Anonymous.  Apparently I'm a diet joiner, so maybe I'll try that next.  I've still got just over half the time left on HMR and I'm planning to finish it out.

My -1 has motivated me to get serious about this again and make this week count.

Monday, May 30, 2011

HMR Official Week 4 Results

Weight lost this week = -3

Yay!  I was really happy that I lost that week.  My scale at home was being a little discouraging and I've been having a hard time staying "in the box."  Even when I go out of the box I make sure to keep my calories down though. 

I have a tracker that says my average daily caloric intake is in the low 1200's, and my average daily calories burned is 2800.  That's a difference of 1600 calories/day.  Since there are 3500 calories in 1 lb, it means that right now I should lose about 3 lbs/week.  If I stick to the diet and stay at least this active but the scale doesn't change, the counselor said that it's just water and sometimes women retain more water than other times.  Even though the scale isn't moving the weight is still being lost.

I had a decent week this week until today.  I certainly didn't eat 7000 calories (to negate my weight loss) but I'll probably have a bad scale day tomorrow because of the immediate after-effects.  We'll know soon.  Sorry I didn't post sooner, but blogger's been flaky all week for me.