"Hi, My Name is Rainy and I'm a Food Addict."

In my last post I said I was going to do HMR on my own.  That lasted a little over a week, and then I started eating like there was no tomorrow.  My highest weight in January was 310 lbs.  With all the dieting this spring and summer the lowest I got was 277 lbs.  After quitting HMR I jumped back up to 284ish, leveled out, and then started eating out of control.  Within a week I gained 8 lbs, eating everything in sight:  donuts, pizza, big meals, breads, sandwiches, fast food, and movie popcorn/candy.  I knew I was out of control but I couldn't stop myself.  I can't even put into words what I was thinking and feeling.  It was like panic.

I was short-tempered with my kids.  I'd give them a couple of chips and then eat the rest of the bag after they went to bed.  Or I'd buy cookie dough, saying I would make cookies with them, and then eat it when they weren't watching.  I'd eat giant lunches and then come back to the office sick to my stomach from being so full.  In fact, I don't think I ever let myself even get hungry.

But in all this I was careful not to appear to others like I was eating this much.  I'd eat after my kids went to bed and my husband was working late.  Or fast food in the car, and get rid of the bag before I got home.  I was disgusting myself but it didn't stop me.

Then I found out that a friend of mine was moving - it was the friend I mentioned earlier this summer that was losing weight with Overeater's Anonymous.  I knew I would never go to a meeting if I had to go by myself, so I drove to the meeting I knew she usually went to.  I was 25 minutes late though, and I drove around the parking lot and decided to just leave.

What happened next I believe was divine intervention - my friend rode her bike into the parking lot, 25 minutes late.  I feel like God placed her in my way to get me into that meeting and save my life.

We went in to the meeting together and I was intrigued by the stories I was hearing.  These were people that were affected by food the same way I am, but they had overcome their food addictions and were experiencing peace in their lives.  I didn't think I could follow the plan, but I was interested.  My friend invited me to come with her to another meeting the next night where she was going to share her story.  After that meeting I spoke with a number of other members and as they shared I realized that I didn't have to worry about following the plan for the rest of my life.

All I had to do was take care of one day at a time.

I don't want to make this post too long, but the short of it is that I started the program the next day.  It's been 7 days and I've been following my food plan perfectly.  If you've read my previous posts you know that this is a miracle.  I always cheat a little and make exceptions.  Not with this.  I am trying to put my faith in a higher power.  He can take this food compulsion from me.

This isn't a diet, it is a healing.